: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
it's great music for shaving your balls
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Someone stole a lamp last night.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
