4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
