dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
