I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
