If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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