Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
