My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
