just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
So squirting runs in the family.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
