why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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