1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
The best revenge is premature balding
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
