I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
