Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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