For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
