You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize