I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
i believe in u and ur pee
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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