If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
