Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Someone stole a lamp last night.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
