So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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