It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
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