At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
