bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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