THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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