I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
We talked him into tasing himself.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
