Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
