why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
