If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
