Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
