just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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