1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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