i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I'm both gender and math confused
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
