Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
