I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
