Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
