I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
