Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
accomplished twins. life is a go
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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