I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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