Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
