I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
