sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
