I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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