toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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