She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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