i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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