I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
