dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
