as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
