i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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