my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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