apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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