you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
