when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
