i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
