How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
