I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
