while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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