I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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