If i come over, it means nothing
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
My cat gives me a boner
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize