Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
