Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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