I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
