Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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