She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
We're using joints as your birthday candles
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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