I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
