On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
