hotel room ftw
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
