New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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